Must Move Now: Need Help: Must Move Now

I want to settle down, buy a place, become part of a proper community... The problem is I can't decide on a location. All the information I get is so sketchy, I don't know what to believe. Please help.

Here are the conditions that are important to me:

Must be in driving distance from Manhattan (no more than 1 hour).
Must have non co-ed orthodox schooling (I don't want my older kids commuting to school).
Must have mikva open every day for men & cholov yisroel pizza shop (so I know we're not the only chassidim there).
Must be affordable (I want to be out of the renting rut).
Must be clean and peaceful (I can't stand the messy, tenement lifestyle.)
Must be open-minded and tolerant (Oh wait, what am I dreaming? That doesn't exist!)

Here's what I came up with so far: (click on chart for larger view)

These are crude generalizations based on visits and talking to residents. I'm sure it's half wrong so please help me fill in the blanks and correct the mistakes. Any information at all would be helpful. I need to hear, where is the place you proudly call home? (Feel free to comment anonymously on this.)

OMG- I forgot the 5 Towns. It figures, there are probably many Jewish communities I didn't consider. I need help.