CoD: "It seems bizarre that ultra-Orthodox rabbis would buy into the feminist mantra that women can and should do it all. "

Fern left this comment (CoD= comment of the day) on my post about the Women's education crisis in Israel.

I just don't understand how intelligent people can set up a social system that is so obviously unsustainable. If men are to study full time, and women are to have many, many children, then who is going to raise the children and provide for the household needs? It seems bizarre that ultra-Orthodox rabbis would buy into the feminist mantra that women can and should do it all. I thought the last 30 years had proven what a bunch of hooey all that stuff was. Maybe the news is just a little late getting to the ghetto?

Indeed, in all the dogmatism and total disregard for practicality, Kollel wives have turned into extreme feminists! They juggle everything--home, family and work.

I was educated in a kollel-lifestyle-geared school where we were taught that the ultimate zechus a woman can have in this world is by creating an environment for her husband that is conducive to learning, i.e. fully funded, fully functional home. The entire concept was difficult for me to stomach.

On the one hand, the kollel wives I knew, my teachers, were not overworked, baby-poppers who only had the capacity to think about diapers and recipes. On the contrary, these women were dynamic and brilliant and always impeccably organized and presented. Yes, they had a child about every year, and yes, their entire career consisted of teaching, but their level of Torah knowledge was enormous (they could have easily gone up against their kollel husbands), their homes were spotless and running like clockwork, their children were well adjusted and well mannered, they spoke and wrote English beautifully, etc... It was mind-boggling and inspirational to watch these women run their lives.

On the other hand, they do all of this with one totally selfless goal in mind--to serve their husbands (and to get the zechus in olam haba'ah, but I still consider it selfless). These women are not allowed to shine as individuals. Don't the men ever get the feeling that their brilliant and talented wives are being wasted in their service? For example, teaching is a most noble profession, and someone who is good at it can make a world of a difference in the lives of the future generation. But some women could be more effective and influential in other areas. Some women might do very well for this world learning, believe it or not. Just the fact that most kollel women don't have the option of being stay-at-home mothers is terribly unfair.

In my limited view of the world, a women's goal should be to serve G-d and to raise children. A husband is a partner to help in the completion of the above. Making a goal out of serving the husband is, in my opinion, a complete perversity.